I have recently had the opportunity to work with an amazing young man, attending Stellenbosch University.
His caring and supportive Mom, contacted me, as she needed someone to assist him, as he was only a few months away from completing his degree. The problem was that he kept on failing a particular module. Each year would pass, and all attempts to pass it, failed.
He had one more chance. If he failed, he would not be able to complete his degree and the years of hard work and dedication would have been futile.
Over the next few months, with regular sessions, we started the work. What work, you may wonder, well, we needed to unpack what was holding him back? What limiting beliefs was getting in the way of him seeing his true self, his true abilities, his true potential?
I would classify him as an ideal client. The reason for this, is he was so committed to the journey of growth, uncovering and unlearning. Each appointment arriving on time, always a good sign. Each session, open to sharing, open to new processes, ideas and tools and really trusting the process. So willing to do whatever it takes to get there.
Arriving with a smile on his face, masking what he was really feeling. He did this so well. Don’t we all at some point in our lives though? Sadly, most of us still do this, each day. We have become masters at covering up what we really feel, what we really believe about ourselves, what we believe or don’t believe we are capable of.
I write this as an eye opener to you, the reader. Why live life, doing the same thing each day, going through the same emotions each day, dealing with the same issues each day, over and over and somehow expecting different results. Surely you have heard Einstein confirm, that this is the true definition of insanity. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Really?
Why do we do this though? A question to ponder about for now…
Let me continue. So, what was discovered, what was worked on?
· Holding on to the past: In order to move forward, we need to release the past. By releasing I mean deal with it, make peace with it, and forgive those concerned and more importantly yourself. I can’t stress enough, how easy this is, all you need to be, is willing. There are so many tools available to assist you, in doing so. Past experiences even trauma, does not need to be a life-long attachment, or as most feel, a part of you and your pain, forever.
Always great to work with young people, like in this case, as he easily let go. Not much baggage though. One of the reasons working with younger people is so rewarding. They let go so easily, and in letting go we could move forward.
· Mental Mastery: Without delving too deep into how the mind works, as that requires another blog all on its own, what I can share, is that our conscious mind may believe certain things, and make conscious choices to achieve that, however our subconscious mind, this is where our beliefs are stored, may not believe this is possible, and the result is being out of alignment mentally. Internally, they are not congruent within you and therefore cannot support you in achieving. The key here is to get the Conscious and Subconscious mind to work together, in full support of you.
Again, this was easily achieved, in just 1 session. An amazing process to witness.
· Limiting beliefs: Ooh this is a good one, as we all have limiting beliefs. The crazy thing is, we are not always aware of them. Understanding your personality and what drives your behaviour, really comes in handy. Luckily for me, my partner Marwaan, is an amazing Enneagram coach, and we have developed simple ways of establishing our client’s personalities and in doing so, are able to work on beliefs and negative emotions, unique to their personality type.
This meant I could get to the heart of the deep seeded beliefs of what was really holding him back. By using tools to replace limiting beliefs with more healthy and supportive beliefs, this was achieved in just a few sessions.
· Negative emotions: Interestingly enough we all hold on to negative emotions. For some, depending on your personality type, its Fear. For others its Anger or suppressed Anger, and for others its Shame or Worth. These emotions are deeply rooted, and they drive our behaviour. We also generally hold on to what we call the big six, which is, Doubt, Guilt, Hurt, Sadness, Fear and Anger. Delving into the root cause of these emotions and clearing them, is so easy and very effective. Again, proving it’s possible to heal, its possible to grow in a very short time.
Fear, was the big one he carried, which affected his behaviour, in a huge way. We were able to clear this and work on releasing other negative emotions, related to this, like anxiousness, Self-Doubt, Insecurity and more.
· Self-Love: This includes, lack of Self-worth, as well as, not feeling good enough. Interestingly enough most people (if not all) suffer from this. Many deep into their core. Some easy to see, others masked by chasing success to feel good enough. I say why not feel amazing, worthy, filled with Self-Love, and still achieve and be extremely successful. Why does it need to be a choice for so many? We can have both. The results of working on this within oneself, is that when you love and respect yourself, when you truly see your true worth, you automatically treat others better. You counter balance the negativity of so many others out there. In doing so, you raise your level of awareness, your emotional vibration. By tapping into your higher self, you begin to inspire, to teach, to prove its possible. You achieve success, material wealth, however you are not attached. You are good and ok, either way, with or without it, as it now, does not define you any longer. It doesn’t prove your worth, as you are conscious of your true worth.
Its always so rewarding to work on and heal this part of ourselves, and he did this so beautifully.
Above is some insight on what is possible. I can go on and on, on how easy it is to achieve this, all you need to be is open and willing.
So, what happened to him, you may wonder? Well the date was confirmed for the 12th Feb at 9.30am, to write his final exam. His final attempt at this module that had become his nemesis, was days away. All the prep work done. He did the best he could. So, we did 1 more session the day before the exam. Again, simple yet effective tools used to prime his mind for success.
The day had arrived. Two hours later, I was informed that the exam went well. “It was a good paper”, words he had not used in this context ever before. Words used for the first time in 4 years when attempting this. Clearly a good sign.
Only a few hours later, a WhatsApp message comes through, he had passed. Degree awarded. I could clearly sense the over whelming joy, of this achievement. With a big lump in my throat, and a huge smile on my face, I felt grateful.
Its always such an honour to work with clients and be a part of their journey of growth. I believe I am just a tool, like so many really good Life coaches out there. A tool to assist clients like him, to uncover their true selves. To realise their own magnificence. To tap into their true potential. What an honour.
In love and light,
Zainab
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